March 12, finally it's time for me to be home. No more English, no more sessions, no more reports... in short, back to normal. But, as the day passes by, I am wondering:
- Is it really back to normal?
- Is it the same life before and after my formation in IFFAsia?
- Is it the same feeling towards other people?
- Or is it really back to normal, yet something new?
- The same life, yet something different?
- The same FERLY, yet different and new?
- The same people, yet different feelings towards them?
As I start to be with them once again, I find myself trying to enter and to relate with the world that I left behind for a while to create a new world with other people and community and with myself that I never met before.
As I start to be with them once again, the feeling is like I am a stranger in the place where I have lived for the past 22 years of my life. I don't know what has been happening with them, and how they were these past 11 months. Sometimes I feel unknown to the young people, sometimes I feel alone, alone in facing them and reality. It seems like I am not so prepared to face reality, knowing that before I came back I told myself that I’m ready. But why am I feeling this now? Is it normal?
After a week of spending time with my family, I felt that yeah, my life went back to normal, yet something is new. My life before was always saying the words "it’s okay, what to do?", but this time, same words yet I must do something! I started to clean my house and welcome myself and my life back to normal, yet there was something new.
After adjusting myself once again here, I feel that it is still the same Ferly who always laughs, who always likes to go out somewhere, who always likes to play with the little children, who always likes to talk and who always likes to be in front of my computer. And this Ferly is the same, yet different. I still like to do this things, yet i am more aware of what is happening to me and how beautiful I am! Praise the Lord!
After meeting some familiar people that I have journeyed with in the youth ministry for the past 8 years, I hold the same feelings like before, yet it's very different - the feeling of appreciating them, the feeling of being aware and seeing God in them, the feeling of "I want to know more about this person in a different level and in a deeper way!"
Before, it was enough for me that I knew him/her; it was enough for me to see them giving service. When I say I don't like this person, it meant giving up on this person without knowing where he/she was coming from.
Today, my feeling towards them has changed! I am more and more compassionate, loving, caring and I want to be with them and to see them growing in love with God. The feeling of serving and being with them is strongly burning deep within me.
Coming back from IFFAsia, I feel I am a better person. The Human and Spiritual Modules gave me a new heart, a heart that is pure and willing to learn and to share and a new spirit in an old body, a spirit that values more who I am and others today.
The Social and Pastoral Modules gave me a new pair of eyes to see reality, a new pair of ears to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit and to hear the silent cries of my people, a new nose to smell the freshness of life, a new mouth to speak what is true and what is right, a new mind to think creatively and a new skin to feel the deepest love of God and to share this skin with others who have not felt it yet, a new pair of feet to put on the ground and a new heart that beats because of love and for love.
I owe a lot to God and to all the people I met in IFFAsia, from the students, interns, staff, and resource persons and from the formators, including all the ITF students that I met, my professors (Fr. Danny, Dr. Manny and Sir Anton) who taught me a lot of lessons in this life and from where I am rooted. Thank you for changing me, and yet for making me still who I am before.
Continue to pray for me, my dear friends. Thank you very much. #
By Ferly Mangilit, Philippines
Student of IFFAsia Batch 2010-2011
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