Life after IFFA - Is it back to normal?

March 12, finally it's time for me to be home. No more English, no more sessions, no more reports... in short, back to normal. But, as the day passes by, I am wondering:

• Is it really back to normal?
  
• Is it the same life before and after my formation in IFFAsia?
  
• Is it the same feeling towards other people?
• Or is it really back to normal, yet something new?
• The same life, yet something different?
• The same FERLY, yet different and new?
• The same people, yet different feelings towards them?

It's been a week and 2 days since I came home. Once again I’m here in Bagong Silang; once again I meet my family members, cousins and relatives here, my friends, my community, the young people, the church and all the same familiar faces that I have known since many years ago.

As I start to be with them once again, I find myself trying to enter and to relate with the world that I left behind for a while to create a new world with other people and community and with myself that I never met before.

As I start to be with them once again, the feeling is like I am a stranger in the place where I have lived for the past 22 years of my life. I don't know what has been happening with them, and how they were these past 11 months. Sometimes I feel unknown to the young people, sometimes I feel alone, alone in facing them and reality. It seems like I am not so prepared to face reality, knowing that before I came back I told myself that I’m ready. But why am I feeling this now? Is it normal?

After a week of spending time with my family, I felt that yeah, my life went back to normal, yet something is new. My life before was always saying the words "it’s okay, what to do?", but this time, same words yet I must do something! I started to clean my house and welcome myself and my life back to normal, yet there was something new.

After adjusting myself once again here, I feel that it is still the same Ferly who always laughs, who always likes to go out somewhere, who always likes to play with the little children, who always likes to talk and who always likes to be in front of my computer. And this Ferly is the same, yet different. I still like to do this things, yet i am more aware of what is happening to me and how beautiful I am! Praise the Lord!

After meeting some familiar people that I have journeyed with in the youth ministry for the past 8 years, I hold the same feelings like before, yet it's very different - the feeling of appreciating them, the feeling of being aware and seeing God in them, the feeling of "I want to know more about this person in a different level and in a deeper way!"

Before, it was enough for me that I knew him/her; it was enough for me to see them giving service. When I say I don't like this person, it meant giving up on this person without knowing where he/she was coming from.

Today, my feeling towards them has changed! I am more and more compassionate, loving, caring and I want to be with them and to see them growing in love with God. The feeling of serving and being with them is strongly burning deep within me.

Coming back from IFFAsia, I feel I am a better person. The Human and Spiritual Modules gave me a new heart, a heart that is pure and willing to learn and to share and a new spirit in an old body, a spirit that values more who I am and others today.

The Social and Pastoral Modules gave me a new pair of eyes to see reality, a new pair of ears to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit and to hear the silent cries of my people, a new nose to smell the freshness of life, a new mouth to speak what is true and what is right, a new mind to think creatively and a new skin to feel the deepest love of God and to share this skin with others who have not felt it yet, a new pair of feet to put on the ground and a new heart that beats because of love and for love.

I owe a lot to God and to all the people I met in IFFAsia, from the students, interns, staff, and resource persons and from the formators, including all the ITF students that I met, my professors (Fr. Danny, Dr. Manny and Sir Anton) who taught me a lot of lessons in this life and from where I am rooted. Thank you for changing me, and yet for making me still who I am before.

Continue to pray for me, my dear friends. Thank you very much. #

By Ferly Mangilit, Philippines

Student of IFFAsia Batch 2010-2011

I am Home

I am finally home after ten months of formation in IFFA. It has been six days in Sandakan since I bade farewell to all my friends, interns and staff of IFFA. The feeling of missing them still lingers in my mind and heart. The sound of their laughter, their faces and even their smell is still caught up inside me. Even on my way home in the airplane as I looked out the window each of their faces popped out from the clouds. Gosh! It is so amazing how ten months can give a huge impact on each one. However, I have to accept the fact that we had completed our formation and it is time to go back home and step into the reality. They might be far away from me but they are always within me deep in my heart. Our friendship remains forever. That is the greatest gift of all – LOVE.

By Anna Teresa, Malaysia
Student of IFFAsia, Batch 2010-2011

Read full story in the link below
http://newsupdatedospo.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-am-home-anna-teresa-peter-amandus.html

Packed Lunch Of Love

It’s time to have breakfast! I immediately went to the dining hall to feed my hungry tummy, and I notice the table with small containers and with food inside. I was wondering for what and for who is that food, so I tried to know the answer. And to my surprise this small container is for us, for our lunch for our travel going to Sandakan prepared by the 2 cook aunty Alice and aunty Regina.

What touched me most is that, they didn’t attend the mass at 6:00 am and they woke up early just to prepare our food for lunch and breakfast. Knowing this all, I cannot stop myself but to be amazed for their love and care for us even we are totally strangers. And I ask myself, can I be like them who will sacrifice their time just to prepare ‘something’ for strangers?

After I take my breakfast, Yvonne (foster sister of us) came with a plastic of food and she asked us to bring the food back to our families when we back to our own countries. She wished us all a safe trip and she also made sure that we will meet again, perhaps during our sent off ceremony or some day in our own countries.

Yvonne also promised that she will be there whenever we need her. I am touched on how she showed her love to us as her younger sisters even in a very short time. I can feel her love and care for us, until now that we are far from her, she’s still communicating with us. And again I ask myself, can I be like her who will love the stranger in a very short time only? Or I will just say I love you and then finish?

Time to go; everybody is saying goodbyes for all the people in the retreat house, for the cooks, for the community there. Going out from the retreat house, we saw Aunty Maria Kuntiou the PPC chairman of the diocese came with a small box of Pandesal (bread) for all of us. Our foster mother came to the bus station to say goodbye and she gave us one whole plastic of bread and cake. She told us that the food is for everyone so that we will not be hungry in our long journey.

Inside the bus I was trying to control my tear, especially when the bus started to leave, I was trying not to cry. I can see in my own eyes and in the eyes of my heart how these people, even in a very short time, shown their love to us. They teach me how to welcome, to be hospitable, to care, to accept, to learn & to love the strangers.

Dear God, I pray for this gentle, loveable and caring people who welcomed us in their homes, who lend their time to prepare food for us, who accompany and journey with is in our stay in Keningau. May you continue to bless them and guide them in their everyday life. Thank you for allowing us to meet them and you through them. Amen

By Ferly, Philippines

IFFAsia Student Batch 2010-2011

Longing To Love

A love letter to GOD:

LORD,
I thank you for calling me to this path of love
Where I experienced beautiful and ugly things around
That is indeed and precisely have mould me to a person of YOUR design
Those challenges, difficulties and pain that have brought me to whom I am now.

LORD,
I thank you for the push and the squeeze
Which was painful and uncomfortable
But it gave me life the moment I needed it most
I will not forget how hard it is to carry the crosses You have entrusted to me and how the hardship has transformed me to a person that you desire.

LORD,
I thank you for being my...
- eyes that I may see as you do
- nose that I may smell as you do
- ears that I may listen as you do
- mouth that I may speak the way you do
- hands that I may touch as you do
- feet that I may lead as you do
And I thank you for being my heart that I may love as you do.

Finally, LORD I thank you for being me that others will know that you are REAL.
Amen.

Entering into the end of the formation year, the verse keeps on reminding me of how it looks like to be a disciple of Christ. It is challenging and it is not going to be an easy task.

At first I was thinking that does it means to neglect myself, my health at all? Of course not! I began to realize that self-denial is about how I involve God in my daily life – from the beginning of the day till the sun goes down. How I did it? I make a peaceful agreement with myself, where before I go to bed I will make sure that I pray which most of the time a very simple dialogue with God.

Path of discipleship will not working without allowing God to stir me and life in Keningau was a mean where God has giving me the great “push”. I personally felt that I was mold; I was squeezed, to a person that God wanted me to become. There was a time I felt happy, sad and hurt. There was also a time I got angry and disappointed. However, above all these feeling, God is actually inviting me to trust in His Divine Providence, where at that very moment, it is GOD that I encounter.

There’s always a reason why a person is acting unexpectedly, there’s always an explanation to be shared after all, there’s always a moment to reflect of what’s happening and not to be judgmental, there’s always a reason why thing suddenly change, there’s always a need to understand, there’s always a need to adjust ourselves, there’s always a need to respect an individual…

And, sensitivity always comes together with understanding... Because GOD never creates me to be comfortable for everything…

By Monica Lisa, Malaysia

IFFAsia student batch 2010-2011

(Original photos by Nikkie)